‘Tis the beginning of wedding season! The holidays fill the Internet with videos of surprise proposals, engagement photoshoots, and grooms crying at the first sight of their bride walking down the aisle. Winter is preparation for those big days to debut in the summer.
I am a certified sap, so seeing anything even remotely romantic just makes me into a puddle of mush.
Being that I was married before and did not have the best experience at all (AT. ALL.) I think a lot of people are under the impression that I would be anti-marriage/anti-men. So many people just lose all hope after they go through a bad breakup or a messy divorce and usually for good reason. They make you ice any and all possibility of a connection completely out. My situation was probably the least ideal on the levels of shittiness, yet here I am, gushing over proposal vids and smiling like its me in those recordings.
Sometimes they do sting and hit a sore spot. Who wouldn’t feel a little sad when they reflect on what did or didn’t happen? But at the end of the day I’m hopeful. Sure I think 89% of men are cheaters (probably higher, duh) but I am extremely hopeful that within that 11% of faithful ones, there’s the one for me who will be a compliment to my little family and feel as passionately about pizza and Afrobeats as I do. He may not come around until I’m 65, but he’s out there. I love love and I enjoy seeing those who are ear deep in it. My time will come eventually. Sometimes terrible experiences can open brand new doors. Just busy those mf’s wide open. I hope my myself and others who have been through heartache have big ass doors blasted open for us to allow us to step into love, but with a new outlook.
Speaking of the L word (“love”, not the HBO series)…One of my best friends recently got engaged and asked me to be one of her bridesmaids and I was so elated!
(Please excuse how rough I look. I’d make an excuse, but this is actually how I look everyday.)
It’s so flattering that someone wants you to be a part of such a special day. I’m ready to ugly cry, dance the night away, and support my friend and her fiancé in celebrating their love.
I told y’all I was a sap.
How did you cope with dating, the idea of love, or marriage after a breakup of divorce. Let me know!
Every year after the rush of the holidays, I am always amazed at how the end of a new year creeps up. One moment you are basking in the July heat and the next you’re counting down for the ball to drop at midnight. That saying “The days are long but the years are short”? So very true.
Being surrounded by all the love and energy from family creates a warmth and positivity in me that I hold onto far after we all go back to our day to day lives. If I could bottle it up and save it, I absolutely would, because it’s so powerful.
Here we are half a month into the new year and things are looking up. The year actually started off on a terrible note, but when plans A-Z fail, you sometimes have to go back to A. I have half heartedly jumped around and revisited all my plans over the years, but I’m realizing it’s best to just restart simply and with a fresh perspective. When you’re not truly ready for change, it feels as though things fall apart. Like buildings are on fire, sirens are blaring, and you’re just making all the wrong moves. Or maybe that’s just how I feel? But I now realize that when you’re mind is prepared and you’re all in, things start to take a nice turn as long as you keep up the momentum.
Listen, failing is HARD. Trust me. I fail at something each day and so many things haven’t worked out for me, but I always try to pick the momentum back up. Having support system has helped me tremendously, but I also have a lot of heart and that is what perseverance takes.
So go ahead and fail. Wallow for a bit because sometimes you just need to, then pick yourself up and move on the best way you can. It’s not easy but it’s definitely worth it. Use the high from the holidays and propel yourself into something great. It’s a new year and that may not mean much to some, but to me that means you’ve lived to see another chapter in life so now you have to make it better than the last.
Think it into existence.
Write it into existence.
Speak it into existence.
Work it into existence.
This is pretty much what I am living by now.
When I was younger and grossly naive, I would look at successful people and think about how lucky they were. I’d daydream of my moment when I’d blossom into who I knew I was suppose to be and pray…just waiting. Not being too proactive, but just enough to look ambitious. I would have all these really awesome ideas for a business and would look into it a little and when I would run into a road block, I’d kind of talk myself out of it being “not meant to be” and move on. Then I’d see someone with an idea or something similar to what I had in mind, gaining momentum and I’d be so GUTTED. I’d also pine over seemingly perfect relationships not knowing how hard people had to work to get to a good place sometimes, but I’d run into a problem in a relationship and would shut down completely. My relationship was just plain shitty and needed more than luck, but WHATEVERRR… I’d wish I could be so lucky. *sigh*
How are people moving forward and I’m still stuck? Why is their business booming and I’m still writing out dead ideas? How are those people still together and happy? How LUCKY must they be? Why hasn’t my life started yet?
Welp, quite awhile ago I figured it out. This is groundbreaking stuff here. Crazy tidbits of the Earth’s knowledge.
To bring things into fruition, it takes faith, a pinch of luck, positive thinking and a shit ton of work. A SHIT TON OF ACTUAL WORK.
Huh. Who would’ve thunk it?
Okay okay, that really wasn’t all that groundbreaking, but it it’s crazy how long it can take for something to click. I don’t know what had me thinking things would just magically fall into place, but that’s what I held onto. You have to work really hard to succeed in this life and that looks different for everyone or may present itself in a way you hadn’t envisioned. If something doesn’t work out, you have to be resourceful in finding another way or knowing when to scrap the whole idea/relationship/situation altogether.
Life just keeps you on your toes and you have to be ready. Those tough life lessons and my kids have shaken the complacent mindset I’ve had for so long and made me want to actively do better, be better, and achieve the things I had planned more than ever.
So about my little black book…
There’s this notebook I’ve had for a few years. It was like a journal/idea book. At the beginning of the year I tore out all those pages and trashed them and started over. I needed to. There was a lot of my past scribbled in there and really negative sad thoughts that weren’t helping me in the long run.
So I re-read those entries, ripped them to shreds, and haven’t looked back.
What I now write are my new truths. What I know I need to do, lists that can help achieve those things, quotes to keep me going. I have so much I want for myself and my family and in that notebook I claim it.
I’ve thought it.
I’ve written it.
I’ve spoken it.
Just have to keep working at it.
Cheers to being better.
– Cherie the Claimer of all Good Vibes