Did you guess what the word is?
When a lot of people dream about getting married, that word never crosses their mind or it just gets pushed to the back of their head where things like “eat kale” and “clean the refrigerator” go.
Everyone hopes their love will withstand the test of time and they’ll grow into cute little prunes together. Rub each others arthritic knees with Bengay and watch your “stories” while your grandkids run around your family home.
Well, things don’t always go as planned. Man plans, God laughs right?
Life threw some pretty big lemons within the past few years, and for a while I did not make lemonade. Instead I stayed up at night Googling statistics for children raised in single parent households, I cried at night about how unfair it all was. I read any infidelity forum I could find hoping to find the steps that I could take to get over the nightmare and move the hell on. Ya girl was in shambles because although I made a choice to leave, I still felt out of control, angry, hurt, and like I had failed….and that’s okay. It’s okay to feel.
I convinced myself that I could turn the anger off like a switch, but who was I fooling? When something major happens in your life you will go through so many big emotions. Trying to suppress it is like keeping poison in your body. Why wouldn’t you want to let it out? I learned to get through it. Minute by minute, day by day those feelings change. They may not go away completely but they will fade and you will be able to see yourself from the other side.
These are a few of the things that helped me during that time:
- Staying surrounded by positive people who loved me
- Also knowing that it’s okay to just take time to just be alone
- Write notes in my phone of the angry text I wanted to send (I will admit…I did send actual angry texts…often, ha)
- Watch baby announcement videos (How can you stay made after 25 of those?!)
- Look at all the pictures of my children in my phone and gush over how cute they are
These may or may not work for some, but sit down and take emotional inventory and see what you need and how you can fulfill that or make your way there.
I am not perfect. I have not mastered co-parenting or navigated my way through dating again, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It looks pretty dim at first, but it’ll get brighter the further you get from the pain.
I know I made the best decision for myself and my girls and there are no regrets!
Cheers to more changes, more love, and more chances.